Brooksville resident I. Cantread was bitten in the ass and genitals by a German Shepherd dog when he disregarded a private property sign posted on his neighbor Bob Booblover's land.
Cantread was taken to Blue Hill Hospital where Dr. Anna Asstich performed emergency surgery. The Eastern Maine Search & Rescue and its team of scent hounds are currently combing Booblover's property in an attempt to locate Cantread's testicles. According to Dr. Asstich, the delicate testicle reattachment surgery must be done within the next 48 hours. If it is not done within this period of time Cantread is "shit out of luck," Dr. Asstich said.
The sign warning trespassers to keep out "unless you have really big boobs" was posted on a tree at the entrance to property owner Booblover's driveway.
Thinking the sign was a joke, Cantread walked down the driveway towards his friend's house when Meat, the homeowner's dog, ran towards him. Unable to outrun the dog, Cantread attempted to climb a nearby tree, but not before the dog sank its teeth into the man's fat ass. The moral of the story: keep out unless you have really big boobs.
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